I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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