i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
