You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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