Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
