tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just invented taco cereal.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
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he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
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Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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