sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
