Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
