It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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