Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
