dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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