life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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