I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
