So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
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I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole