absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
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come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.