why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus