I wish my penis had an off switch
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
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I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.