dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.