i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories