so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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