Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
