Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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