ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
