Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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