I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
