She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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