I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
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