That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
