I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
