o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
