there's paper in my vomit.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
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Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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