I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
