i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
