He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
