Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
