My liver just broke up with me...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
