If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
