Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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