fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
