Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
