Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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