A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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