The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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