Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
