So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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