I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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