I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
