So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
