if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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