I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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