yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
