Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Randomize
