I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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