why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
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Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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