I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
