I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just blew my weed a kiss
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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