It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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