There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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