you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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