You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
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Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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