The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
