dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
