OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
