Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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